How to wrestle free from an alligator

I'm on my way to New Orleans for the Microsoft WPC. Microsoft always puts on a great show and I'm looking forward to this year's event. That said, this will be my first time in New Orleans (and in Louisiana in general) so I thought it prudent to do some preliminary research prior to my arrival. The following excerpt is taken from Piven & Borgenicht's Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook (only $20 CAD):

How to wrestle free from an alligator

1. If you are on land, try to get on the alligator's back and put downward pressure on its neck. This will force its head and jaws down.


2. Cover the alligator's eyes. This will usually make it more sedate.


3. If you are attacked, go for the eyes and the nose. Use any weapon you have or your fists.


4. If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove (for example, a limb), tap it or punch it on the snout. Alligators often open their mouths when tapped lightly. They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of, and back off.


5. If the alligator gets you in the jaws, you must prevent it from shaking you or rolling over - these instinctual actions cause severe tissue damage. Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does not begin shaking.


6. Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small cut or bruise, to treat infection. Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths.

And now I'm all prepared for my trip to New Orleans. Come and get me, alligators!

The BlackBerry Helmet

As I start to use my BlackBerry more and more it seems that I might be in need of a few accessories to help me out...

Finally, the perfect BlackBerry accessory! Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present to you... the BlackBerry Helmet:

Webmaster: what's got that I don't got?

Have you even stopped to consider the title bestowed upon those who manage our websites? Webmaster. Web-master.

As I spoke with my company's webmaster yesterday I couldn't help but think that he must be a superb individual. A super guy. After all, he's the webMASTER isn't he? Not the Web Manager or the Web Supervisor, but Web Master. This begs the question: what's he got that I don't got?

Why do we have Sales Managers, but not Sales Masters? Or Project Managers but no Project Masters... Floor Supervisors but no Floor Masters. He manages the website, he hasn't mastered it...has he? I want my position to be revered and idolised.

I'm going to pitch a title change to my boss. You're looking at the first ever "Project Master" :-)

Too legit to quit: MC Hammer on twitter

Break it down, MC Hammer's on twitter!

MC Hammer (or "Hammer" in this decade) joins many other current & former celebrities online via the miracle of twitter. And boy is he using it! As of today, he has 166,686 followers, is following 25,026 people, and has posted over 2,600 updates. Want to reach out and make some new, high-profile friends? They're only a tweet away... so take a few minutes and browse, your favourite celebrity may be in the list below:

• Al Gore
  
• Ashton Kutcher
  
• Barack Obama
  
• Britney Spears (beware, there are other impersonators!)
  
• Dave Matthews
• Elijah Wood
  
• Hillary Clinton
• Jimmy Carr
  
• Jimmy Fallon
• John Cleese ("Yes, I am indeed still alive, contrary to rumour")
• Lance Armstrong
  
• MC Hammer
• Michael Phelps
  
• Oprah
• Snoop Dogg
  
• Shaquille O'Neil
  
• Stephen Harper (he followed me first, I swear)
  
• William Shatner

So be bold, reach out! Maybe you're only a few days of sore thumbs away from instant celebrity. Maybe not, but c'mon, who doesn't want to tweet back and forth with MC Hammer :-)

(do you have a celebrity twitter profile that I missed? email me and I'll be sure to add it)